Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
oh boy....
Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They
did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such
that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were
so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week
(even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up
to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.
They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.
They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.
The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.
"Cool ," they thought. "This is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.
They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.
The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.
"Cool ," they thought. "This is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
mafia story
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all
the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat
from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job ;
if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the
police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs,"Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about"
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where the money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter's eyes light up and says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs,"Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about"
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where the money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"
The deaf replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park."
The interpreter's eyes light up and says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
another funny story
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The rancher nods politely and re-iterates his concern that he should not go into the field.
"See this badge? The officer shouts again. "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... on any land, anywhere. No questions asked. Now Have I made myself clear? Do You Understand? "
The rancher nods again and goes about his business.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
" Your BADGE, Show him your BADGE !!!! "
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The rancher nods politely and re-iterates his concern that he should not go into the field.
"See this badge? The officer shouts again. "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... on any land, anywhere. No questions asked. Now Have I made myself clear? Do You Understand? "
The rancher nods again and goes about his business.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
" Your BADGE, Show him your BADGE !!!! "
good story
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length
looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed,
middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am,
may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one
in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that
seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired. She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.
be happy
I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may
find myself in. Our misery or unhappiness is determined not by the
circumstance but by our disposition. So, if you are happy - keep doing
what you are doing and if not, well, change something starting with the
attitude. It's a good day to be alive :)
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